Welcome..

.. To my new blog! I havent kept one in years and am not sure if I *really* have the time nor want to keep one again! But what was amusing was reading over old postings a year later and realising how insignificant the things that were important to me then were to me now. I dont know whether that thought in itself invalidates life! After all, if things aren't really that important... what is the point of bothering? Ahh dont worry... this isnt the blog of a manic depressive. It is merely random ramblings from little Miss Random who thinks too much and needs an outlet for all this useless information stored in the depths of my brain!

Let me tell you a bit about me. I am 31. Mum of two of the most gorgeous and fun kids I have ever met. I have a dog, a rabbit and two cats.... and wonder why I do each day! I know many people... but only a tiny number of people really know me. I dont like getting hurt so I try not to get close to many people. I have a boyfriend who I love and hate at the same time. Although I am not actually sure if 'boyfriend' is the right word at the moment :S I have a mum who I love to bits and is just the best mum in the world! I have two brothers.... errr.... and I like photography so dont be surprised if I drop in a photo or two as I go along :)

I think these things are so self indulgent! After all... why do people blog? Who are we hoping is going to see it?? For me, I dont really care if no one does. I dont even know why I am doing this.... but then that same mentality can be said in areas all across my life... I am never sure why I do anything. I just want life to be good... and that is reason enough for me.

I titled this blog 'beautiful screw up'. That [for once] isn't vanity on my part. I am referring to life being beautiful... and referring to myself in the screwed up bit ;) Would it really be so hard just to get on with life and spend most of it with a smile on your face? It really bugs me that society and people try to wear you down and make you be someone your not. I am still not sure what I really want out of life. To be honest, I think I am bored of caring.... I just want to smile more and have an easy life with as little stress as I can! I think all that became more apparent when I landed the plastic role of "home owner"... That sucks! I thought that would make me grow up and start playing ball... but all it seems to have made me do is hate it! Oh... and yes... I dont do commitment too well either even though I am saddled with loads of it!

So things going on right now.

I just bought some new mascara as mine had gone all clumpy. The kids are on half term. Im going to see the Smashing Pumpkins on Saturday night. I need what feels like a vast amount of money to hand to other people (the fucking government) for doing Jack shit! (council tax) amongst other money grabbing leeches! It all pisses me off... But the worry is that I think I am giving up caring about all that shit... I think the world would be a better place if it wasn't so greedy! Right now on TV there is an advert about giving £2 a month to water aid. A child dies every 17 seconds from dirty water in some parts of the world... and here is people being paid a fortune for kicking a football around a bit of grass for 90 minutes! Big greedy businesses spending a fortune on expensive lunches and crap like that.... Is it just me that finds something deeply disturbing about our society??